bits of first year

First year of university was very tough.

I was an ArtSci kid doing biology. I hated it. I never quite liked science, but by force of parents, I signed up for biology. I wanted to do philosophy, or English literature, or psychology – basically all the interesting majors that’ll make me poor. Alas, the parents didn’t agree. So ‘PreMed’ Biology student became I.

The summer before going to Queen’s University, I decided that I would remain strong in my faith in university. I remember hearing stories of ex-Morrison Academy worship leaders going to college and kinda messing up on their faith, and drinking and partying and doing as the world did. And these were worship leaders! I was but a strange lad.

I determined to be different from these guys; I would not shame my God.

I learned that being very Christian is very hard in a secular world. No one really likes it when you’re very Christian. Christians don’t like it when you’re very Christian. Non-Christians think you’re kinda weird. People like moderation. I basically felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere.

Some of the Christians I met kinda confused me. I was very confused by the lack of enthusiasm, the passion for fitting-in, and basically the lack of urgency in delivering the gospel. It seemed like everyone just wanted to go to study on the weekdays, go to fellowship on Friday, go to church on Sunday, and basically just be morally good and chill out with other middle class, morally decent Christian friends.

I remember going into church and fellowship and feeling very alone. It was strange, because of all the places where I felt like I ought to belong, I didn’t feel as if I belonged. I remember standing there, wondering where to go and where to sit and who to sit with, and ending up standing around alone and worshipping God alone. In time this kinda changed. But nonetheless the memory lingers.

I suppose I was kinda a weird kid. A random from Taiwan. No idea what Markham was. Wasn’t from Toronto. Didn’t play softball. Had brown, hard-rimmed glasses. Spoke mandarin. Cried when worshipping or praying. Man, I was weird. And I still am.
Sometimes during first year, I felt a call to pray/spend time with God for around three, four hours a day. I was like, okay. God commands, Ivan does. It was hard because there were a number of subjects that I felt very sucky at (e.g. Chem and Calc). I’ve never learned calc before, and I was just naturally bad at Chem. I felt like I needed a lot more time to study. But God was telling me to give Him my time… But God commands and Ivan does, right?

It’s somewhat humbling to look back and realize that of all the semesters I’ve spent in University, my best grades were from first year. I had straight As that year. Heck, I even won a scholarship in Hebrew for having the highest grades in HEBR 191. The year I spent the most time on God, I got the best grades. Scripture proves true: “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all things shall be added unto you.” No?

Anyway, I felt like God was calling me to pray and spend time with him three, four hours a day. And so I did. Day in and day out I’d pray in the little KCCF office up in the JDUC. I would have prayed in my room, but I lived on West Campus and it took me awhile to get back to res. I had a little black notebook that I would write all the things I should pray about. Lots of names, lots of burdens, lots of troubles.

To be continued